I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just high enough for therapy.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize