Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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