I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
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your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize