gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize