Fine. I'll sleep in my office
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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