Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize