I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize