Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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