but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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