Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
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