good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize