Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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