Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
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I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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