it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
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We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
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the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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