I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
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im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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