"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize