i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize