I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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