I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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