I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
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Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
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Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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