Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize