please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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