He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
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He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
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You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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