when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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