Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
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i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
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That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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