sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
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You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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