i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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