I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize