I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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