you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize