New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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