found the other keg... it's in the tree
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize