FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
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nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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