I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize