Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
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The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
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I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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