I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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