I think my vagina is haunted
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
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you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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