I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
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And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
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I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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