Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize