break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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