You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize