oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize