I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
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Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
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I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize