I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize