It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
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