So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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