Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
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