I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize