Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize