it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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